Some of you may know that I have been struggling with my calling in the Primary Presidency. I keep telling myself that I am where I need to be and The Lord will put me where I am needed when I am needed. This last few months have been extra hard! I haven't had the greatest health and am trying to cut back where I can. I have had my calling doing on 4 years now and I think 'It's been long enough! I need to go to Relief Society.' A couple weeks ago I had had it with some of the kids and my sharing times aren't going as well as I feel they should. I got really frusterated and told Rafe that I had enough I needed to be released. Well the bishop has been busy and I have been putting off going to talk to them about my feelings. Then today I ran into this from one of my FAVORITE chruch blogs. I have no idea who Sofia is but to me she is an ispriation! she is so amazing! She plans a sharing time every week of every month (usually several ideas each week) and shares them with the blogging world. So thank you Sofia for all that you do! I feel good and I am going to keep on truckin!!!
www.sofiasprimaryideas.blogspot.com
Have I ever mentioned that Honest Abe is my favorite.
I mean really, he did it - He said, slavery is wrong, let's do this.
Let's end it and be a nation.
And yet, his courage and bravery and brilliance came in the face of much failure.
Our most successful president, faced defeat often. (Thank you google search)
•1831 - Lost his job
•1832 - Defeated in run for Illinois State Legislature
•1833 - Failed in business
•1834 - Elected to Illinois State Legislature (success)
•1835 - Sweetheart died
•1836 - Had nervous breakdown
•1838 - Defeated in run for Illinois House Speaker
•1843 - Defeated in run for nomination for U.S. Congress
•1846 - Elected to Congress (success)
•1848 - Lost re-nomination
•1849 - Rejected for land officer position
•1854 - Defeated in run for U.S. Senate
•1856 - Defeated in run for nomination for Vice President
•1858 - Again defeated in run for U.S. Senate
•1860 - Elected President (success)
And why would I bring this up. Especially right before Christmas, thank you happy happy joy joy. It's because on Sunday, I bit it hard. I had one of the worst sharing times ever.
Pause and rewind 8 years. BYU, I'm student teaching at a title one school with the urban education cohort.
Wait. I promise I'm not quite at dementia yet, rewind 20ish years ago when I'm in 6th grade. I have a reading buddy, Mary who is in 1st grade. She can't read. And yet with our time spent together she learns. Granted, was I the one who taught her, no. But I felt like I had. It was my first inkling that my purpose in life was to teach. I loved her joy as she learned a new word or could sound out a difficult word. It was so crystal clear to me, even then that teaching children would be for me.
OK. Back to the cougars. I'm student teaching and I have a boy who is bipolar, ADD, and prone to violence. And he disliked me. A couple lessons were rough and I always ended up in tears when I got home. It got to me and I vowed I would never have bad lessons again. I worked through it and ended up confident that one day I'd be a good teacher.
Fast forward to last Sunday. Chaos. 10 nursery kids coming in to see what primary is like, 1 eating the microphone on the pulpit. At least 3 children scattered throughout the room crying. 30 others were completely done with sitting. I have exactly 7 minutes to teach about the 2nd coming. We're doing pictures so children are in and out through the door.
Did I not pray?
Did I not spend time preparing?
What did I do wrong?
I tried to do too much with too little time. I tried to get too many children up and out of their seats. I was talking over the children/adults talking (who were only talking because they were trying to calm children) and trying to move on without everyone's attention. I was forgetting names.
BUT I'M OK WITH IT.
I feel so peaceful about it, is that weird and strange?
I know I can do better, I know I can learn from my mistakes, I know I am far from perfect and most importantly... I know God loves me.
I've learned it's OK to laugh at yourself everyone once and awhile.
President Monson of course says it much better, "Our responsibility is to rise from mediocrity to competence, from failure to achievement. Our task is to become our best selves. One of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final." (Thomas S. Monson, "Never Give Up", New Era, Sept. 1994)
Now is it OK to cry. Of course! Failure can be so annoying and frustrating!!!! Our prophet continues on and says, "We are success-oriented, striving to become “wonder women” and “super men.” Any hint of failure can cause panic, even despair."
But you know what, at least we're trying. At least we're there and doing our calling to the best of our ability.
"U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt said, “It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena” (The American Treasury: 1455–1955, ed. Clifton Fadiman, New York: Harper & Brothers, 1955, p. 689).
Unfortunately, too often we're our own worst critic.
The beautiful talk is ended with " Each of us is a runner in the race of life. Comforting is the fact that there are many runners. Reassuring is the knowledge that our eternal Scorekeeper is understanding. Challenging is the truth that each must run. But you and I do not run alone. That vast audience of family, friends, and leaders will cheer our courage, will applaud our determination as we rise from our stumblings and pursue our goal. Let us shed any thought of failure. Let us discard any habit that may hinder. Let us seek; let us obtain the prize prepared for all, even exaltation in the celestial kingdom of God."
So this post is for me and all my fellow sisters who have failed miserably. I'm cheering for us. We can do it, because God will help us! Next week will be awesome! Next week will be fabulouso!!!
We may not end up Presidents of a great nation, or freeing a noble people... but we are important. We are the instruments in the Lord's hands. We are His children who will help gather and usher in His glorious reign on earth. Life is good. Keep on truckin.
